I’ve stopped taking my Colestipol and Lomotil most of the time. Once in awhile, I am not able to manage things and I will take one of each. Sometimes I double-up on Lomotil. I do not even take the Opium Tincture unless I have to work or leave the house. My symptoms haven’t gotten any better. I am just numb. I’ve leveled out on the weight gain since I’ve stopped taking medications but I also kind of stopped eating most of the time. I eat dinner and that is my one meal per day. I’ve also started ignoring my symptoms. My sister is dealing with a high risk pregnancy and was unable to paint her deck. So I took my Opium Tincture and painted her deck. By the time I came home I was bloated, my legs and feel swollen and I was too tired to even eat an entire meal. My stomach pain was incredible but that just helps me go to sleep. I was blessed with the ability to sleep when things hurt. I have never realized how fortunate I am to have this ability. Even if the pain is sharp and wakes me, I will soon go back out so I can avoid dealing with it. It seems to be working as I am able to get through a 10-12 hour day at work now. Block.it.out. I just kind of repeat that to myself until I stop feeling it. I even cleaned up my backyard.

On an unrelated note, my fish have died. I brought the little buggers in for the winter so they would not suffer a harsh winter in a yard pond. All did very well until last week. Suddenly, four of the six died. Three days later, a fifth died. The last fish appears to be well but I am frustrated with this.

Instead of focusing on frustrating things, I immediately begin thinking of my accomplishments. I assembled the canopy for my backyard. I cut the ornamental grasses and burned them. I cleaned up the backyard and prepared it for the first cutting once Mother Nature decides what season it is. Seriously, 77 one day and 32 the next–it’s unreal.

Oh and my car has hail damage. I am hoping insurance can cover repairs and it is n’t totaled but if it is, I’ll likely owe on it as I haven’t owned the car long enough to cover depreciation and insurance covers the value of the car, not the loan.

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