I don’t have a title. I have 0% trust in doctors today. I visited my primary care doctor and she suggested that I have anxiety and depression. The nurse provided me with a questionnaire and I circled some things. Do I feel like my family would be better off without me? Yes. As a matter of fact, my family would financially be better off without me. Emotionally, not at first but eventually they would probably be better not having to worry about eating in front of me and worrying about all of my health issues. This doesn’t just impact me-my entire family feels the impact of Crohn’s and short gut – whatever that is.

Anyway, moving on. I lied on the questionnaire and I advised my doctor I did so. I stated it would be best not to treat this as it would likely require medications that also had side effects that would also need treating. I am really doubting I will go to my next infusion. I told my Dr. I would give Entyvio a fair chance but I may have lied. Maybe doctors should trust me. It has made me worse. I now take this Opium Tincture that seems to help control diarrhea but I want to be finished with treating my Crohn’s.

Also, I’ve gained more weight. How I manage to do that when I don’t really eat food I still am wondering. Whatever at this point. If I am going to gain weight, I’d like to enjoy the foods that cause such things. So my unhealthy new habit had started. I put on clothes and they did not fit. I actually skipped my meds that day and called in to work. I had diarrhea all day and I drank just enough to keep me from being lightheaded. The next day I fit into my clothes and I worked. I took my meds and limited my water intake. I realize that this is not healthy but if I eat a healthy diet, my Crohns is not manageable. If I stick to liquids and baby food, I gain weight even though I’m eating fewer calories than I am using. So at this point, I don’t care if I’m jacking around my metabolism. I’d say it is very likely that it is already fouled up anyway.

Advertisements