Maybe this is just not my area of expertise but I feel a bit foolish.  I was lying on my stomach trying to sleep and I could not get comfortable.  I had a pain that could not quite be described as stomach pain.  It was more like inner-thigh pain.  I was able to brush it off and eventually fall asleep.  The next day, more of this pain.  I was a bit embarrassed because I could not even think of the word to describe this area.  How might I call my primary care physician and ask about a place on my body that I am unable to name?

My brain works overtime in moments like these.  Before I know it, I have decided this is not a real pain because there are no actual organs where I am feeling the pain.  How do I know there are no organs?  My logic in this moment is that if there were organs in this area, it would be impossible for women to have “thigh gaps” because this would mean that they were missing the organ that would normally be found in this area.  This kind of logic tells me that it is bothering me more than it should and I am not going to be able to ignore it much longer.

As much I am do not want to, I look up this area of the body on a popular search engine.  Within moments, I am convinced I have cancer.  It appears my lymph nodes are swollen.  I also feel like a complete fool.  Lymph nodes in the throat area?  Yes.  I was aware there were hundreds in the body but evidently, I believed these were all located in the throat. Brilliant, huh?  Even more brilliant was worrying myself to the point I called my primary care physician’s office anonymously and claimed to not have insurance and looking for a doctor.  After being told that I could not be seen without insurance, I asked if I should go to the emergency rooms.  I was given information to watch for.  Pathetic, I know.  I do not care.  Judge away.

So anyway, it’s been a few days and the pain is getting pretty intense.  I have an infusion tomorrow and a GI specialist appointment next week.  I will see what happens.  I plan on making an early morning appointment with my primary care physician next week as well.  Someone will hopefully be able to tell me why I am suddenly painfully aware of these lymph nodes.

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